COWBOY VOWS

They say that working cows together can really test a marriage. Growing up, I mostly saw failing attempts and dropouts. When Mark and I were working for The Coopers in California, I called my Dad to check in. After telling him about how well things were going and how happy I was he said, "You should go ahead and get married. You have been working cows together day in and day out and you still like him, what more information do you need?" 5 months later we were married with our son on the way.

We don't always get it right, but we try. I enjoy working with my husband, even when it's been a long day that didn't go as planned, maybe especially those days. Ranching can turn marriage into an extreme sport. On the days that we have felt like champions, these are the guidelines we followed:

Pick a boss for the day or task. The boss can be questioned but not vetoed. It is obviously important to have term limits on being the boss.

Deciding to doctor a sick calf is sort of like cutting someone off at the bar, if one person is sure it is the right move, everyone needs to get on board 100 percent.

Don't give unsolicited advice in the moment.

Being clear is being kind. Especially if it is setting expectations.

Cussing is allowed but condescending bullshit is not.

Don't give commands to each others' dogs.

Passenger picks the playlist.

Talk about the future you are both working towards, use your time together wisely.

Flirt.

At the end of the day, let go of the little things and sit next to each other.

It's not 50/50, it's 100/100.

Our Cowboy Vows*

From Me to Him: I will always have snacks, even when you say not to worry about it. I don't know where North is or Left, please point and check to make sure I am trotting the right way. I never mean to underestimate you. Let me ask for help or advice. Sometimes I need you tell me that I can't do something, so that I get the fight up to prove you wrong. Sometimes I need you to encourage me, so that I feel supported, like I can do no wrong. I wish you the very best of luck figuring out which angle to take at any given moment. You are my very favorite roping partner.

From Him to Me: I always wish there were more snacks. I like to make a plan out loud, please don't rush me through that part and no, I don't remember the original plan we made 6 days ago, stay with me. Take my advice sometimes and let me help you. If I am yelling, it is at a cow, or a fence, or a dog or a choice but it is not at you. I am very proud of you. I don't intend on working all of the time, I don't want to work my way out of our marriage but I will need you to make plans for time off or vacations if they are going to happen. I always want you and the kids to come with me, even if it takes more time.

*Distinct from our marriage vows